Sunday, 20 May 2012

Open Email to Adnan Oktar: I claim my Trillions (of Turkish Lira)!

Dear Adnan Oktar (or Harun Yahya, whatever you prefer),

As Turkey's foremost anti-evolutionist, back in 2008 you offered 7-10 (accounts vary) trillion Turkish Lira to anyone who could prove the existence of a 'transitional fossil' and therefore evolution. You don't seem to be currently offering it (that'll give the evolutionists the wrong impression, surely?) but, given I haven't seen David Attenborough with a diamond-tipped walking cane recently, I thought I'd try my hand.

One word for you, Mr Otkar- Archeopteryx. I can only surmise you haven't seen one of these prehistoric creatures, but they are as-near-as-damn to what you call a transitional fossil. Archeopteryxi are exactly somewhere between dinosaur and bird. A birdosaur, if you will, or Tweet-Rex.

It runs like this-


Or backwards through time-


Pretty watertight, I think you'll agree.

(Addendum: I also have many pictures I've cut out of various magazines. A few of them concern this 'birdosaur' theory of mine. I can produce them upon request) 

Honestly though, I'm flabbergasted no one has sent you this evidence before so as to get their (fluctuating) trillion lira reward. I'm laughing my face into a likeness of Yoda and Lionel Ritchie's bastard child here! To think I will soon rub shoulders with the likes of Mark Zuckerberg and Chris DeBurgh. Squeeee!

(Squeeee is a thing we say on the internet, BTW. You've legally banned a few websites in your own country so I wasn't sure if you'd know that one.)

I can't come to Turkey to collect my reward (unless you can wire me some of it), but if you email me I'll happily meet you at Leicester Train station. There's a cash machine nearby.

Finally, despite your evidence of 'Darwin's fraud' being, erm... a bit too freestyle for some tastes, I'd like to thank you for making me a trillionaire. I can't begin to tell you how it'll improve my life- no more shopping at Aldi for this lad, no Siree! The first thing I intend to do is splash out on a party of surreal proportions, in which every single person I know (and their mates) gets a uniquely tailored cupcake.

But the true centerpiece of this happy new trillionaire's dingdong will be an ice statue of you, Mr Oktar Sir, riding a Diplodocus with Kim Kardashian.


James Worrad


  1. But Mr Hoyle said that the arkiopterex was a fake so you is wrong and Turkish Sultan type due is right, so there you aetheist style loser wriong type person.!.

    1. What; you mean Fred 'big-bang-theory-denying-flu-linked-to-sunspot cycle-believing-no-creditation-in-paleontology-but-I'll-leap-in-and-shoot-my-mouth-off-anyway' Hoyle?

      Gotta be true then. I retract everything.

  2. My old geography teacher is a transitional fossil. Although Mr Oktar probably doesn't believe in him either. Great troll, by the way - the poor chap's almost functionally literate!