Wednesday, 24 August 2011

They don't just let anyone be a brain surgeon, so why do they let anyone try to do 'cutting'?

I keep playing this.

Me and my pals here at Stool towers keep cracking up at the sheer cringeworthyness of this Noel-Edmonds-on-ketamine-alike trying to 'stick it to the haters', or however he'd put it.

S'pose I'd better give you some background. This guy, whoever he is, called some writer a hateful bigot for wingeing about the Republican party's attitude to libraries or something like that. Anyhoo, he's had lots of people (Democrats, I presume) comment on his blog, all of which he's removed. He's been challenged on this (and to be fair, his comment roll is now a somewhat one-sided, mirror-masturbation affair. Oh, god... now I'm picturing him doing that... and making that face...) and in responce, has posted this 'hilarious' video thing.

Ok, so I am insideously lefty, so that might very well make me one of the haters in his eyes. But please believe me when I say thats not the animus of this post. Indeed, I never get involved in any of these flame war thingummys. I totally missed SF's racefail, for intance, on account of hanging out with asian and black people in real life instead, and I never get on board one of those amazon review gangbangs when some low-list author goes nuts and starts reviewing herself.

Nope, tossy-face could be replying to my request to borrow his cagoole in this video and I'd still crease up in cringesome ecstacy. Its the way you can tell he made this and thought: 'Well, that told them. Should'na messed with the modern Mark Twain, Mr Internet.' Watch the thing again and you can see that that's actually whats going through his tragic, self-regarding mind.

And then later, oh-dear-christ, later he tells his mates about this and before he shows this film he says 'Needles to say, compadres, I got the last laugh.'

And the Smile, the SMILE! It's like he's just farted through his teeth. Except he's one of those deeply unfunny human beings who says 'Better out than in' thinking its funny, because flatulance is the pinnacle of their existance. That's his smile. And there's people congratulating him on such silent but deadly smugness and thats all there is because anyone who thinks otherwise has been liquidated. If you read the comments you start to think you've entered an alternative universe where that f**cking Family Guy satire on Star Wars is considered relevant, a world run by a man with a pubic jaw.

I kind of want to turn this thirteen second humourectomy into a controversial art film, splice it with footage of animal corpses and that fat kid who swung a lightsaber around back in the day, shooting up a mixture of toddler's blood and horse tranquilisers. Anything, really, to pervert this fetid gimp's idea that he's looking down on the 'haters', who ever the f**k they are.

Sorry, best calm down now. I suppose if I'm making a point here, its that this debate shouldn't be conceived as a left versus right 'flamewar', of which there are many, but that this bloke is a tool. Not a noble opinion, perhaps, but mine.

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